On the surface, these two activities have absolutely nothing in common.
However, I recently had the revelation that my practice in one has helped me enormously in staying sane while doing the other.
Neither can ever be perfect, mastered, or finished. The learning is not in the final destination, but the journey and the process. If you approach either by looking for a perfect finished product, you may as well be chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I have danced in some way or another since early childhood. I do not feel myself fully when I am not dancing regularly. I took up competitive ballroom dancing in my late 20s. I was what many would consider ridiculously old when I started, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly and had a successful career (by Aussie standards). My partner and I retired from competition at the end of 2019, so we could give more time and focus on other aspects of life. The lifestyle can be intense and all-consuming, and after about 14 years, the cycle felt complete.
From the outside looking in, I would have appeared to be pretty competitive – I was learning at a studio full of very focused and driven dancers. However, it was always more about striving for mastery, precision and putting forward my best work. A win always felt empty if I had “danced like rubbish.” That is an entirely subjective self-evaluation; the further I get from it, the gentler I am with that perception and judgement. At the time, I was always pretty harsh with myself.
If a competition loomed later in the week, there was a very common phrase that would be bandied around the studio, almost as a replacement for “How are you today?”. People would greet you casually with a “Ready for the comp this weekend?”. My usual response depended on who was asking and how important the comp was. But it usually consisted of a hearty laugh and a “NO! Of course not!” or “Augh! Ready as we’ll ever be, I guess”.
I never felt “ready.” There was always something to work on, improve, and refine. Even if things felt great in the studio, there were always so many other variables on comp day. Dancing is not just a physical sport. There is also a creative, artistic element to it. Even the “best couples in the world” always work on technique, refining, exploring, and creating. It doesn’t end.
Frankly, it can be a head fuck. You want to do your best, but you know perfection doesn’t exist. The fear and anxiety of presenting your blood, sweat, and tears in the form of a performance, for deliberate evaluation and criticism and comparison by others. Saying, “Here I am,” leaving everything on the floor. Then, do your very best not to let your spirit get crushed if your efforts are found lacking. The days you did your absolute best, and the results don’t come, can be so disheartening. There would not be a single champion who has not had to work through that disappointment, get back up, and re-motivate themselves. The more practised you are at it, the faster you recover, the stronger you become, and the easier it gets.
How has this had anything to do with my website or business? Headspace wise – everything!
I want the website to be perfect, finished, ready, mastered, and complete before it goes live. I faffed around for MONTHS with a nearly complete site, thinking up excuses as to why “not yet” before I let it loose. The panic once it was live and I realised something important wasn’t right, and I couldn’t fix it immediately. There was an immense fear of putting myself out there to be judged and found to be crazy, or inadequate, or just plain awful. I am used to being subjected to harsh criticism, but man alive, it’s tough. It may be a different piece of my heart and soul on the table, but the vulnerability is much the same.
The only way out is through.
The only way to become a better competitive dancer was to compete. The only way to improve in any business area is to do more of it. At the moment, I am still trying to refine my messaging. I need to get clear on what I have stored in my head that is going to be able to help other people. Then, work out how to communicate that effectively. For example, I would love to be able to blog as well as if this was my 500th article. Equally, though, I would be mortified if my 500th article was only as good as one of my first attempts. So this one will get proofread. I’ll close my eyes and hit the publish button. I’ll wish it luck, and then I try to forget all about it!
It is ok to want everything to be perfect. It’s not ok to let analysis paralysis get the better of you and prevent you from doing anything or moving forward. The growth is in the discomfort, right on the edge of your comfort zone.
There is no perfect finished business, website, blog, vlog, social media post, video…the list goes on. They are all continually evolving, innovating, becoming, just like we are. Just have to remember to breathe and enjoy the journey.